Fall Back Season Top it off with the Full Moon

As each day passing the night falls earlier and earlier and the morning seems to be darker than lighter, we are being reminded that our clocks are falling back this Sunday morning, November 1, 2015 at 2:00am. The true sign that Fall and Winter will be fast approaching. However, for most, it is a normal day and we move on. Then there is another vast group that sees another side of the fall back process; children with special needs that do not deal well with routine changes and/or transitions of change. In a nut shell, Be Prepared!

Time change is a major situation in someone who looks to the time, daylight or night for guidance. The change may also take a toll on one's body, sleep schedule and/or exercise times. Understanding change is inevitable for everyone; the best way to deal with this never-ending issue is to be prepared with our children. Our best friend in this time of chaos, is to make the transition better for our child or children. Again, Be Prepared!

With the colors of the leaves changing, we are reminded the cooler weather is coming, along with the winds and rain during this time of year. A Seasonal CHANGE! Is it possible to refer seasons to an Internal CHANGE? Anyone who has had surgery, may comment to this, myself included, feels different when the weather changes. I also see differences with my children when the weather changes. Is it because the pressure in the air, the humidity, moisture, I do not know. I always say our bodies are like the German Coo Coo Clock striking at 12:00, if there is something that is off, it does not strike proper. Having my analogy, it could be just me, but as the weather is too hot, too cold, too wet, too humid, some people feel the difference and the effects. It does not matter where you live. What state or part of the world, the weather is changing. Again, Be Prepared!

Then the belief that a Full Moon's contributes in one's behaviors and how we feel. I am a believer. Some might think I am full of it! It is okay to think that and if you agree with me, Great! Interesting enough, earlier this week, I came across a post in a group that I am a part of and it read something like this "is there something in the air... my kids have been on fire the last couple of days". With many comments posted, the majority read... "full moon". Whether it is a fact or just the psychological make of what someone wants to believe; it is ones perception and that is someone's reality! Again, Be Prepared!

On that note - Be Prepared by doing some of the following:

• Breathe
• Smile as often as you can (they are contagious)
• Communicate
• Explain the time change difference and the expectations before, during and after the transition
• Non-verbal children create extra flip picture cards for explanations
• Post a schedule reflecting new routines. For example, dinnertime, sleep schedule, playtime, etc.
• Schedules can be moved in small increments help with the time adjustment until a full hour has been achieved, if needed
• Keep busy; exercise and play. Both always works wonders - whether this help when it comes sleep time or it can help by keeping all occupied
• Try to maintain your specifics routine but if something goes array breathe, smile and go minute by minute - nothing good comes when all is in chaos

Remember life is busy, has craziness in itself, things change constantly. At times, when we think, we have the schedule to a tee, a monkey wrench gets thrown in. It does not matter, if you have one special needs child or five or not even a special needs child, LIFE IS LIFE! We are all trying to do what is best for our children on all levels.

We cannot get back yesterday, we only have right now and we do not know what tomorrow or the next minute may bring. All we can do is take in this moment, cherish it, love, laugh, play in it and be blessed in our own world and those who also share in it. GOD BLESS

"My children taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.” - Yvonne Pierre 

Until Next Time...Make it a Great Day!

www.blackandredlicorice.com

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I am a Foster/Adoptive Parent but Truly Just Me

For the past three days I have been in the company of a select group of individuals that are in a class above. Individuals made of Foster Parents, Adoptive Parents, Kinship/Guardians, Guest Speakers, Therapists and my own surrounding county's Social Workers and County Representatives. This year's Annual Conference was a true grace for me. One, it was a mini getaway but in all reality I really appreciated the training given. More so, each year I completely enjoy meeting, listening and learning from other parents that are on the same journey that my husband and I chose several years ago. The journey to give back - to be a Foster Parent!

The journey has been and continues to be a navigation of learning. Everyday my belief is you should learn something new. I instill this in my children, in all my children - homegrown, adoptive and foster. Learning something new; though it may be something really small or it may be something really big but in the end it is something. Do not take it for granted. Knowledge is power in my day-to-day life. It should be in everyone's. As I had time to speak with fellow peers, I was excited to learn more on how to navigate the system in different ways as well in sharing on personal experiences thus being able to help or provide information that I had been given. In a nut shell we were doing basic 101 networking.

I know that foster parenting is not considered a "job" but our group conference was so like a business network meeting. We had the opportunity to see others from across the state, others from within our own county and others from the surrounding counties. When not in training meetings, we were able to meet many peers, therapists or county representatives. Honestly, for me it was nice to put faces to the people that emails have been sent to or many telephone calls have been spoken over our journey. On the other side, you understand the years reflected in many children's lives. How they were touched and changed. Also, it was a chance to step away from our normal daily routine to learn of upcoming events, system changes, take in our own experiences or just chit-chat. Some decompression of our own 24/7 routine that is sometimes so needed but may not be able to have the chance due to many factors of the system and/or the child in your care.

Reflecting on the meetings or engagements I had these past few days, I feel thankful for all our children (homegrown, adoptive and foster). There is a sense of reaffirmation that we are all in this together. We are all doing the same "job"; however, there is the quick realization on how much our "jobs" are different. Whether it is from county to county or home to home. Things are definitely different.

Using my own home as a rough comparison. Take into account having five special needs children. All with varying degrees of needs. Break it down further, my three youngest children (almost like triplets) who are so close in age is a great example. It is amazing to see how much they are the same but so very different. With each milestone or development stage, one soaring right through most with flying colors but having issues on others while another is behind and the last is hitting some while missing others. Their common dominator - love, stability, early intervention and therapy.

Just as I noted above, we gathered at the conference as group that in essence do the same "job" but in reality we all are so very different. It is not because each child is different with their own needs or circumstances; the differences comes because of the road blocks we face along the way. Our common dominator - love for the children, stability to work within the system, advocacy and our own therapy and help amongst one another. The struggle is real but we always seem to manage, we are Foster, Adoptive, Kinship/Guardianship PARENTS!!!!

Yes, we are all different, all different walks of life, ages, backgrounds and life experiences but being a Foster Parent, an Adoptive Parent, Kinship/Guardian is not for the faint of heart. As with parenting it takes love and patience but it also takes a guidance within yourself to know that the infant, toddler, child or teenager that may be placed into your care has needs or situations that you may not understand. Nonetheless, given the opportunity, to be a temporary place called home for an infant, a toddler, a child or a teenager even for a short period of time, a place providing love, safety, shelter, food and stability is a gift all in itself. The ability to make a difference in that relative short period of time. To have the chance to be a part of the reunification process with parents or family or an adoption process for someone who is growing their family in better terms is PRICELESS!

So when it is all said and done, at the end of the day through the thick of everything, I have had great revelations as I am a parent, a foster parent, an adoptive parent but truly I am me who just wants to make a difference with giving back in a person's life and I am surely honored to be in the company of many others who have the same outlook.

It is awesome to be a part of this huge family not only in my county, my state but more importantly across the world and to that I Thank you ALL the Foster Parents, Adoptive Parents, Kinship/Guardianships, Social Workers, Judges, Attorneys, All Representatives and Everyone else riding this carousal by working to make a difference whether big or small! GOD BLESS

While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about.  ~Angela Schwindt

Until Next Time...Make It A Great Day!

http://www.nfpaonline.org/ - National Foster Parent Association

http://csfpaonline.org/ - California State Foster Parent Association, Inc.

Timing of Life with Seasons to Change

Here it is already October, only seventy one more days until Christmas. It is hard not to think about it though Halloween is only seventeen days away but with every major retail store having both types of decorations for purchase; what are you to think? I am not sure if it is me or a vast majority of society but each year seems to go by quicker and quicker. Leading to my own countdown; this is the time of year where my reflecting truly hits home. November 19, thirty-five days away. A day held for celebration; a family anniversary, a friends birthday but for me a mere reminder that life can change in a moment.

This year will be eleven years that my life changed in a mere instant. Though it was not just my life, it was my family's life too. When it first happened I said GOD was knocking for me to make changes in my life as weird as that sounds. Yes, changed happened. My circumstances greatly changed my outlook of life, how I viewed things, who was in my life but when it is all said and done, I have been truly blessed disability and all. With life being like the seasons, I am currently trying to figure out what is more to my life. What season am I in? With that comes, remembrance of what I am not able do since the accident but then it is overshadowed by all the things I have accomplished living through a life alternating event. Nothing can beat it. Yes, the roller coaster of ups and downs, the good and bad. Interesting enough it seems that feeling I first felt of GOD knocking is back. Wake up there is more, be patient there is something coming. Well patience is not my strong suit. Is it anyone's? If it is yours I commend you!

Just in the last week, I was reminded by a message, the toll my accident had on my three older children. They were young when it first happened. Nobody wants their children to grow up faster than they have too but my children had no choice. Troopers beyond belief. Though it has made and shaped them into who they are today; living with a tragic situation day in and day out, adds pressure to anyone. These are the times I wish I could change everything but then where would we be today. The grass is not always greener, just another set of weeds which need to be mowed. Then I received life alternating medical news of a friend that put me at a crossroad of testing my faith. A place I have been before. As much as I feel heartache and sadness, I feel emptiness as I have no real words. The only words that keep coming to mind is "I am sorry" and who really wants to hear that...I did not when my accident happened. As I keep praying for guidance, there is just a sense of loss for all.

I know there is an answer and more to come. More by the way I know my mother is with me every day as she flies in the hummingbird that comes to the window every time we sit down for dinner. More knowing that GOD has the path already mapped out. More when I truly listen to my little's speak in their own made up language to one another. More when I get a "Mommy, I Love You" from my older children. For me, all I can say is embrace whatever is thrown your way, embrace your faith and make the best of it. Your best, not someone else's best, YOUR BEST! GOD BLESS!

"God has equipped you to handle difficult things. In fact, He has already planted the seeds of discipline and self-control inside you. You just have to water those seeds with His Word to make them grow!" Joyce Meyer

Until Next Time...Make It A Great Day!

 

Everyday of the Unknown

This morning came across my Facebook page an article titled "My Son Has the Kind of Autism No One Talks About" by blogger Bonnie Zampino. (The link is posted for you to read as well)  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bonnie-zampino/is-autism-the-real-public_b_8191918.html. This article truly hits home. Having three children on the Autism spectrum, all with various degrees, I have been through this and continue to go through this. It is hard to comprehend and to process that at any given moment something may or may not trigger a tackle, throw of an object, a hit or an elopement of some kind.

Our days consistent of routines but as we all know things can and do change. Anyone who knows having an autistic child change is a major issue. Changes can cause many things, meltdowns, elopement, screams, crying, behavior changes, etc. With all that said, what about when you are just outside playing and change happens there, then what? Right, then what? Parents are supposed to know their children the best so if your children have behavioral changes then it is the parent's responsibility to ensure everyone's safety. We have had to do this in the past, made several changes with how we did things and how we approached things. Today, our autistic teenager has overcome many obstacles but a lot of road blocks were on the way. He still has things he battles but we just have our routines on how we battle them. Every day is a learning process.

Now being on the spectrum road again, we are figuring out what works though I have not completely isolated us; I have changed how I approach things and what we do. We have stopped going to church (we watch on livestream) as I cannot leave him in the social setting as he needs one and one. Play dates are minimal as it needs to be in a controlled setting. When we go to the park, I am right there like glue making sure there is distance from others. Kids could be playing in the sand including his own siblings and he just grabs and takes, possibly hits and elopes. I am there to ensure that does not happen. Most of the time I am successful but I miss a few. Nobody is perfect and there is a lot of redirection. He is obsessed with balls or just running around so I direct him in those types of things while my other children play other things. Nothing is fool proof but improvising comes in handy, definitely not the mom you see sitting on the bench drinking coffee talking to the other mom about their week or what will be for dinner while their kids are off playing.

Their brains are wired differently.

Truly the kids all can be playing and next thing you know a toy is flying across the room or at your face. I now have things I watch for but I have to say I do not always catch it or see it and things fly. I have been hit many times, many times without warning, the therapist in our home have been hit just out of the blue; the part that is hard is the understanding of why it is happening, there really is none.

Their brains are wired differently.

The kids can be playing and running around and next thing I know, a full running push to whoever is right in front for no rhyme or reason. Once I catch him (I am not very fast now), we talk about it as that is not nice, do I am sorry, we do not hit or push our sissy, brother or our friend, we have done time out, then two second later it happens again. This can happen over and over and over almost as it just does not click.

Their brains are wired differently.

Interesting part he can be sitting, next thing jump up, jump on, jump where ever. If someone was sitting there oh well. It does not matter. If he wants to lay on someone, oh well it is his world and to him that is okay. To see it this on a day-to-day basis, it is not done to be malicious or done to hurt anyone, these actions are done no awareness of social etiquette or social clue. Then factor in the part of high pain tolerance or no feeling of pain. That in itself is an issue.

Their brains are wired differently.

When it all comes down to it, the autism spectrum is wide. Many sides, good and bad but maybe the next time when you hear the screaming child at the grocery store, the child eloping and screaming "I hate you" or the child hitting and running away with the sand toys at the park or a child who appears to be having a tantrum in the parking lot (Is it a tantrum or meltdown? Do you even know the difference?). Maybe think a little differently as this maybe this is the only time they came out to a public setting for the week or maybe the parent had enough courage to try again. I have been there just recently too. I have received the looks, the stares, heard the comments but nevertheless these my beautiful children.

My children brains are wired differently.

GOD BLESS...Until Next Time Make it A Day

Keeping An Open Ear

At first I went to write about a different subject then upon opening my page another post popped up regarding National Suicide Prevention Week reflecting a kind gesture of thanks to the person who posted. As today being World Suicide Prevention Day, the post struck a chord as over the course of the last couple of months, I have been dealing with someone who has been in such a tornado of emotions that the word suicide has been brought up. Before anyone can say it or think it, yes, a long list of resources for the person has been addressed. I will write nothing more on the person’s situation but I will on my own feelings.

Being on the receiving end of someone who has entrusted their feelings of many or whatever it is at the time, is very overwhelming. I felt sadness, a bit of being scared, anger and at a place of what am I do to. I found myself checking in to make sure all was okay many times. To top it off, a very heavy load to carry.  With that being said, I am also a mandated reporter, though it would not have mattered, I did what I was supposed to do, I reported the information. Plus it is not just about reporting the information, you are finished, and you wash your hands of it. It is about still being there, listening, really listening, providing resources when necessary and letting the person know there is someone just there for that moment in time when needed.

I became that person for that someone. I was now advocating for someone in unknown territory. This was out of my day-to-day routine but GOD entrusted this in my life path and I was going to be there no matter what. I understand truly that you can only do so much for someone. As they say, leading the horse to water but cannot make the horse drink but when you can truly support someone genuinely with their good or bad; things tend to be different. I do not mean doing, giving or helping their bad habits. I mean sometimes it just lending an ear, a text message exchange, a late night email chat; a basic support that they are not alone in our world of everything and nothing. Just a reminder time and time again that somewhere out there, the WATER EXISTS! 

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

GOD BLESS

Until Next Time...Make It A Great Day!

College Move-In Day: New Chapter Beginning

Yesterday, I was privileged to watch my baby girl well really not my baby girl; my beautiful young lady step into the next chapter of her life. She moved on her college campus. Just another reminder how fast time flies.

As much as I wanted to be the "cool parent" as they give you the versions in the college orientation, we dropped off her and two car loads of personal belongings, I was good on holding back on most opinions on how to make her dorm room work, did my best on holding back on shedding minimal tears, chalked one up on taking minimal pictures for minimal embarrassment; sum it all up, I was dying inside.

After leaving her dorm, got into the car and the tears came. Not from sadness but from the graciousness that we were her parents doing our job. Sometime good, sometimes not so good but in this instance our child had left the nest to do more in life. This is what we or I had ever strived for. A successful milestone was completed! 

I have to say, I could not experience this with our first born. Yes, he left during the night of his eighteenth birthday as I woke up to a note. He stated he needed to be on his own, independent and referenced we were great parents. Kind of the same thing, right? Did we do our job as parents? Though the note he left stated he needed to be on his own and independent there still is a disconnect still to this day. We did not have preparation, no goodbye, nothing. Nothing ever has been truly communicated about his departure, the issue has been swept away. Well anyone reading this, knows sweeping away issues frivolously only causes bigger piles. With our daughter, my belief was nothing could feel any worse. I had already had felt pain, sadness and emptiness with our first born. So I believed I was ahead of the game and the mere fact that that with our daughter we have been given the opportunity to see her journey to begin to unfold over the last several months. We have been being prepared for this day in many different ways but are we really prepared for the departure? After yesterday, I will have to say, No.

When I woke up this Saturday morning, the house felt different for some reason. She has been gone before but this time I knew she would not be returning today, tomorrow or next week. I did not even have the heart to open her bedroom door. I just looked at the door knob and walked away. I know in my heart, mind and soul this is where she needs to be. Starting her life, spreading her wings of independence, beginning to learn life through her eyes not ours. Succeeding and feeling proud, falling then learning to get back up. Whatever the case, everything will be okay as this is her time to SHINE!

NO matter what age, she will always be our Baby Girl. For now I will keep in her prayer for her safety and guidance thus knowing that at one point her dorm room refrigerator will need something and laundry will need to be done. "There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.” ~Art Buchwald

GOD BLESS

Until Next Time...Make It A Great Day!

Routine, Change, Structure, Routine

With the first couple of weeks of the new school year being over, my seemingly busy life is slowly getting back into the "normal" routine, With that said, I find myself feeling unsettled. Yes, summer break is over but the summer season is not. As it is said, time to get back to the "normal" routine before the summer chaos happened of no structure. Really, what is that, a "normal" routine for anyone?
 
Most find their daily routine of getting kids ready, school, stopping off at the local coffee house, driving to work then home to make dinner then find a period of time for some relaxation, if they are lucky. Then the next day the routine starts all over again. However, for the stay at home mother with children add in special needs, our day is getting the kids ready, fed, playing referee, off to school, checking in the in-home therapist, checking the schedule, making lunch, making appointments, checking the calendar, doctor appointments, drinking many Pepsi's (for me), playtime, school afternoon pick up, afternoon sports, husband home and playtime with the little's, more in home services, making dinner, playtime, more referee time,  reading, , conversation with my husband diaper changes, bedtime when is the question....I can name more but I think you get the gist. By all means I am not saying a stay at home mother does more than a working mother just a different routine. I do not think anyone can compared the two; it would not be fair to anyone. My issue is right now, this moment in time, I am finding that my routine is not settled, not jiving; it feels off. Why? I am organized, very organized! I color coordinated my calendar, I color coordinate my closest, my little's therapy schedules are down to a science, I organize way too much but why won't this feeling of uneasiness go way. What am I missing?

What am I missing? Recently, I received a very long text message from one of my sisters. She brought up how her recent travels abroad, staying in a place was a reminder of our mother. Reminders down to the colors of what my mother would have in her bathroom, but the she spoke of how our time together in my mother's last days were a gift, gift we should cherish and love. I took those words to heart even when her text stated our family is not the "Norman Rockwell" picture.
 
I read that text over and over. She was so right. My own extended family, my family I married into is definitely not the "Norman Rockwell" picture and that is where my uneasy feeling sits. We get into a routine, the routine of life but some families are the "Norman Rockwell" picture. They see one another all the time, make time for Sunday dinners, once a week Sushi night outs, family movie or bowling nights but my huge family that I was so blessed to be in just is not that family. Do not get me wrong, we see one another, birthdays, holidays, occasional BBQ's but most of the time our busy schedules get in the way. Have to say thank you to social media for keeping me updated on most of the family that I keep in contact with.
 
So, why can' t my immediate family of seven be the "Norman Rockwell" picture. My husband and I have been blessed so graciously. I have written previously, I do not know what GOD has planned for the future but I know when I received my sisters text it validate that my calling to foster. We have fostered and adopted not only to help precious gifts that have been blessed to our family but to be our family. We are given the opportunity to be blessed with a gift of a baby or a child through fostering thus providing a safe place to call home. Whether that is for an hour, a day or a year, ultimately an impact that instills, Home is Where Family Is! So it may not be the perfect "Norman Rockwell" picture but it is our little "Norman Rockwell" Family!

You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu

GOD BLESS
Until Next Time...Make it A Great Day!

Extended Waiting Periods

I was pondering how valuable time is especially when it comes to medical appointments and having to wait. Keeping a very organized calendar, I know that our doctor's offices make reminders by calling, text messages and/or email messages with our appointment information; even asking to arrive fifteen to thirty minutes early for any paperwork or just to complete the check in process. So, why then do we often find ourselves sitting in the waiting area fifteen minutes, twenty minutes or even thirty minutes after our scheduled appointment time? Only then to be called back to a room and wait again for another fifteen minutes, thirty minutes or even forty-five minutes; what is the value of our time?

Having to go to the different doctors at various locations with all my little's and even myself with my knee, I see notices stating..."If you arrive 10 minutes after your scheduled appointment time, your appointment may be reschedule and you may not been seen today". What about when the doctor is running late? What are our choices? To Wait or Reschedule, not very favorable. Usually no apologies are made by the staff; however, each time you see the door open and the nurse comes to call in the next patient, you hope it is you. Finally, when your name is called, though some frustration has set in, you are just so happy to get to the next step. The happiness only lasts for so long as it becomes deflated because you are in the abyss of the unknown of not knowing how much longer? Where is the doctor, actually? 

Finally the doctor arrives to your room, a quick sorry or thank you for being patient is expressed but that is not helping your six year old who has been repeatedly asking "am I getting a shot and how much longer"? Your crying toddlers who want the same toy or ate the snacks you packed, your baby who just does not want to be there or you at your appointment sitting waiting, reading magazines, checking social media, texting, somewhat enjoying the time but knowing there is a lot of other things that can be done than sitting and waiting.  All of this in an 8X8 room, for an appointment that you know will take less than twenty minutes total. Wasted Time!

I do understand emergencies do happen or someone needed more time than what was scheduled thus causing days schedule to go out of whack but truly it is not okay for anyone. Especially the extended waiting created because the office just plain overscheduled. I know nothing will change, some offices are better than others. I now, for the last couple of years, I do tend to try to make appointments, right before lunch and right after lunch, I found that the schedule starts new right after lunch and right before lunch the staff wants to eat or take a break.

In the end, everyone's time is valuable and there is no price to be had on missed out time. Time is something you are unable to get back. There is no time machine, only the time we have in this minute and hopefully the next as you just never know what is planned in your path of LIFE! We live today in a world of fast paced everything, fast-food restaurants on every corner, smart phones, Skype, Face-Time, social media of every kind, whatever it is, please remember to take a minute or a few when your waiting to know through the quiet or the chaos to enjoy a minute without technology (maybe easier said than done). No matter what your time is just as valuable as your doctors!

Old Time, that greatest and longest established spinner of all!.... his factory is a secret place, his work is noiseless, and his hands are mutes. ~Charles Dickens

GOD BLESS

Until Next Time...Make it A Great Day!

A Fork in The Road

It has been a litte over two months since I posted. Though it has not been without good cause or because I truly did not have anything to say. I simply have not posted because my heart nor my mind was not in place to have the words come together.

I believe life is like seasons or as I always say, riding a roller coaster. The ups, the downs, the twists and turns. Truly just been trying to navigate my Mother's passing while trying to navigate day to day stuff, family, friends and most important myself.

Honestly at the end of the day, whatever is not complete, it is not going to make or break me, right? Just so happens, it is another day starting again whether new things happen or picking up from where I left off from the day before. I can post many things that have happened in the last couple of months; the highs and the lows but it is not about the past; it is about today and what tomorrow may bring.

I can share with you one thing though, a gift that was bestowed upon me this past week...a dear friend gave me some very valuable information. She reminded me no matter what happens in my life all I needed to do was lay down everything to GOD and put my Faith in Him always! In those words I knew my Mother was somewhere there as she would always say in our conversations, lift it up to HIM and he will always be there for you...Words to so live by!

My daily life is still a roller coaster ride. Sometimes a slow ride, sometimes a fast ride but a ride I would not change for anything. Choices of Life, the path of the Unknown to ME but Known to HIM! GOD has given me this path, where sometimes he places a fork in the road and that is what makes it all WORTH IT!

Here is to today, tomorrow and whatever the next minute brings! Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you.”  - Walt Whitman 
GOD BLESS

Until Next Time...Make a Great Day!

Acquaintances or Friends

Lately I have been trying to find ways to take a moment here or there for myself. Some days it works and some days not so much. This week I was able to have a moment to spend with a really great friend. We had adult conversation without any interruption from the little's or anyone for that matter, just the waitress.

During our conversation, it reminded me how much I despise drama and gossip. Since my accident I had a rude awakening when it came to friends and family. Truly I was made to realize and understand who I thought were friends necessarily were not and family was no better. After the sadness and the whys, my guard kept crawling up to a high point keeping me very distant to the outside adult friend world. This was not only for myself but for my family too. Now, I have many acquaintances not friends. So, when I do actually come across someone that I feel and think I can trust enough, it makes my OCD a thousand times scarier. Really just wanting not to get burned but knowing somewhere I will. Have to take a chance every now and again too.

We, women, are very interesting human beings. There is really never a dull moment with a bunch of women. We are so quick to be by each other side but all so quick to throw each other under the bus. When one is having issues, several others jump on the band wagon just because. Why? Men do not act this way. They may have an issue amongst each other but they find a way to talk it out, argue or even throw blows but when all said and done...their issue is usually over. Women not so much or let me say most women.

Many movies and television shows have depicted how women can be when drama is in the center mix. Usually in the end when one decides the drama is not worth it then they seem to be the happier one or the one coming out on top. This is usually not before many cat-fights, emotional digs, caddy exchanges, rumors spread, etc. Something about drama that is attractive in the literal sense amongst women. Leading who on what side has the better story, though may not be completely factual but has or can make the better argument seems to be the one who comes out on top. Plus if a woman stands ups, speaks bluntly or to the point that does not win any brownie points either.

I believe having really have a few awesome and great friends versus having many friends where sitting around having dinner and a glass of wine is listening to all the weekly or town drama and gossip but you know as sure if you were not there your name could surely be thrown in the mix. Is this a true friendship?

Life is too short to have drama and gossip. If someone constantly wants to add your name in the mix then maybe they should be looking in the mirror. As the say, "Don't get angry when others are talking behind your back...because they're just proving that your life is obviously more interesting than them." - Ritu Ghatou

GOD BLESS

Until Next Time...Make it a Great Day!

On the Autism Spectrum

Yesterday, at a meeting for one of my little's, I had the opportunity to look around the room at documentation that was posted. Written on a poster, hanging from the wall was the following....

The 14 Signs of Autism  http://www.autismtoday.com/autism_14_signs.htm

1.      May avoid eye contact

2.      May prefer to be alone

3.      Echos words or phrases

4.      Difficulty interacting with others

5.      Spins objects or self

6.      Insistence on sameness

7.      Inappropriate attachments to objects

8.      Inappropriate laughing or giggling

9.      May not want cuddling

10.  Difficulty in expressing needs; may use gestures

11.  Inappropriate response or no response to sound

12.  No real fear of dangers

13.  Apparent insensitivity to pain

14.  Sustained unusual or repetitive play' uneven physical or verbal skills

As I was reading the words, not once but several times, it amazed me how the signs of Autism seems so cut and dry. Then I began categorizing my little one who was just diagnosed with Autism, who having eleven of the fourteen signs, my six year old and fifteen year old who each of them having ten of the fourteen signs. What is interesting to me how different all three of my children on the spectrum are then again how very much alike they are too. Each having a diagnosis of Autism or ASD.

While I write this, I keep thinking is this diagnosis truly this simple?

I am not a doctor or a psychologist. I do not have a PHD or MD as a moniker after my name, I am just a Mother who tends to go by their gut. I totally understand that some actions, behaviors and habits maybe the age period. However, when things so not seem right, even more than the terrible two's or delays of milestones, early intervention is key. I do believe with resources many things can be overcome or at least help with progress.

I am very realistic, blunt to the point, researcher of all things, books and articles are great tools, I use Google or any online search engine for that matter, bounce off Family and Friends, be involved with different groups (try to stay objective) all knowing more than likely I can take my child to ten different doctors or specialists and get ten different diagnoses. With that said, no matter what is diagnosed or not, what truly matters is obtaining the proper resources for my child and my family.  Here are some Facts and Statistic in regards to Autism - http://www.autism-society.org/what-is/facts-and-statistics/

About 1 percent of the world population has autism spectrum disorder. (CDC, 2014)
Prevalence in the United States is estimated at 1 in 68 births. (CDC, 2014)
More than 3.5 million Americans live with an autism spectrum disorder. (Buescher et al., 2014)
Prevalence of autism in U.S. children increased by 119.4 percent from 2000 (1 in 150) to 2010 (1 in 68). (CDC, 2014) Autism is the fastest-growing developmental disability. (CDC, 2008)
Prevalence has increased by 6-15 percent each year from 2002 to 2010. (Based on biennial numbers from the CDC)
Autism services cost U.S. citizens $236-262 billion annually. (Buescher et al., 2014)
A majority of costs in the U.S. are in adult services – $175-196 billion, compared to $61-66 billion for children. (Buescher et al., 2014)
In 10 years, the annual cost will be $200-400 billion. (Autism Society estimate)
Cost of lifelong care can be reduced by 2/3 with early diagnosis and intervention. (Autism. 2007 Sep;11(5):453-63; The economic consequences of autistic spectrum disorder among children in a Swedish municipality. Järbrink K1.)
1 percent of the adult population of the United Kingdom has autism spectrum disorder. (Brugha T.S. et al., 2011)
The U.S. cost of autism over the lifespan is about $2.4 million for a person with an intellectual disability, or $1.4 million for a person without intellectual disability. (Buescher et al., 2014)
35 percent of young adults (ages 19-23) with autism have not had a job or received postgraduate education after leaving high school. (Shattuck et al., 2012)
It costs more than $8,600 extra per year to educate a student with autism. (Lavelle et al., 2014) (The average cost of educating a student is about $12,000 – NCES, 2014)
In June 2014, only 19.3 percent of people with disabilities in the U.S. were participating in the labor force – working or seeking work. Of those, 12.9 percent were unemployed, meaning only 16.8 percent of the population with disabilities was employed. (By contrast, 69.3 percent of people without disabilities were in the labor force, and 65 percent of the population without disabilities was employed.) (Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2014)

Interesting factoids. Whatever the case maybe in your daily world of Autism or special needs, remember you are your child's voice, their advocate. If you are not familiar with a process, read about it, ask questions, do not be afraid to appeal a decision if you can and have supporting documentation to uphold your appeal. Believe me, I have learned many things over the years by asking, rocking the boat, getting second and third opinions but I have also been the novice and did not know where to start which cost a lot of time and resources too. Sometimes you just need to dive in head first, coming up for air in the middle. Living in a world where technology changes like the wind...use it to your advantage. Just take a moment, research, figure it out and go from there. We all have it in us, sometimes after the long days, many emails and phone calls, umpteen denials, therapist, specialists, doctors and everything else of the daily grind of life, you just need to find that little voice that says you can do it. Always have Faith!

“What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson GOD BLESS

Until Next Time...Make A Great Day!

Raising the White Flag

When is it time to raise the white flag with your teenager? Having teenagers has been a true test for me. One that I am constantly asking myself, GOD, friends, family, what am I doing right or wrong? I do find some comfort that I am not the only parent that goes through the ups and downs of the teenage years. Interesting enough, I usually find myself engulfed in my little's daily schedule but truthfully my teenagers are just as time consuming as the four little ones. Having one in college that we barely have contact with, one at home getting ready to go to college and one with a couple more years until college; all three teenagers combined seem to keep my schedule jammed packed; emotionally, mentally and physically. I have to honestly say they are sometimes more work than the little's, even with less activities, events, homework and just daily life.

Being the baby of eight, I have four brothers and three sisters; my household was always moving and shaking. However, my brother next in line, having a nine year gap between us; so, when I seemed to be the last in the house, I thought whoop whoop! The beginning of my teenage years. Hold on it was going to be a wild ride! Boy did I give my parents a run for their money so I thought, I thought I knew everything, boy I was wrong. I did and still do have awesome parents (my mother resting in heaven now). They were very open with me and communication meant everything, if I tried to pass anything by them especially my father, it just did not fly. They just seem to always find out everything. Plus, my mother had this saying always with a smile, be careful life comes back tenfold. Well, I have to agree wholeheartedly.

Meaning, I left my parents home after graduating high school early to spread my wings. I could not move out fast enough. I was on my own and I thought I knew more than my parents. I listened to what they said but I really did not listen at all. I flew into adulthood and as much I liked it, it hated it too. I really missed my parents along with their imaginary money tree that always seems to be there when I needed it. Truth be told, I really did not get what my parents were saying until I had my first child. Though I was responsible, was employed, on my own but truly having a child was the point when I really grew up. Not only was I responsible for myself, now no matter what the future held for David and me, I would be responsible for another. A scary place to be when you still have so much to learn, so much to do. 

Hence my own teenagers; remembering back at my teenage years, I am getting a dose of what I gave my parents and then some but I do also believe all teenagers have to experience something in life. A life lesson, though it may be subtle, it may be huge but somewhere in their life it happens before they are hit with the thoughts of "what am I doing or what am I thinking; it's time to change, grow up and figure things out." Part of the cycle of life. As a mother we hope and pray that everything always works out no matter what situation; good or bad.

Prior to being a stay at home mother, where my life was engulfed in work, having children, I would say it was more important to be at home or more available when my children were teenagers as it may be easier for them to find situations or places not to be at (speaking from my own experiences). Well today, it does not matter, your babies need you, your toddlers need you, your teenagers need you and at times your adult children need you. If you are able to stay at home or have a schedule to be flexible to know what your child is doing then be on it. If you are working be involved, you are still able to know what goes on in your child or teenager's life...Welcome Social Media!!!!

Twenty years ago, God put me at a fork in the road, the path he had for me then and has for me now has been a path of ups and downs nevertheless I am thankful for everything; my successes and my mistakes as without both I would not have the life I have today. Parenting never ends no matter the age. As I have stated before there is no parent handbook, manual or reference book like the "What to Expect When Your Expecting?" book. Every day is a new day, it is your choice to make a change, to learn something new, to have fun and be positive. Whatever your choice maybe, do it with full conviction! Remember this little saying....

Mom and Dad - I Love You!

Age 10 - I Love You!
Age 14 - You are So Annoying!
Age 18 - I cannot wait to Leave This House...
Age 25 - You were Right...
Age 30 - Please, Forgive Me?
Age 50 - I do not want to Lose You, Mom and Dad...
Age 70 - I Love You SO Much!

GOD BLESS

Until Next Time...Make it a Great Day!