I find myself wanting to sit at the computer with nothing really to say but with everything to say! The question remains; Where do I begin?
My mind is on complete overload. I find myself thinking is this how my little's feel when they are so completely overstimulated that they cannot calm down without help? Help of weighted blankets, toys or vests. Better yet without further help from the OT services they receive or just plain pressure massages, brushing of their skin, rocking back and forth or being held tightly wrapped in a blanket.
Today, I am in complete awe, as I find it so very interesting that their bodies endure this without the true ability to express verbally their needs. Though, here I am a grown adult experiencing much of the same. Is it my OCD? Is it my nervous system in disarray from my RSD/CRPS or is it just life while having one of those days? Whatever today maybe, it is an off day with little productivity. Maybe somewhat needed under it all. I could think of it as a sign saying slow down, take a moment for yourself. Wait a minute, What? Take a moment, too much to do. Will my husband get it? Can appointments wait until tomorrow to be made? Did anything forget to get done that was pressing? Laundry but laundry is everyday in our household and truly not my favorite thing in the world if you know what I mean.....well, thank goodness for my AWESOME calendar and everything is all good in all areas!!!!
No really, I, myself, have walked back and forth from the kitchen to my office area many times today, very anxious in thinking I would like to take the time to write but not really wanting to sit with the reality of not really have the time. My mind racing about everything I could being doing versus what I should be doing. Again, in other words not very productive. As, I called today an off day but surely I am allowed because for most day, I am on point truly over productive most days. Where I can say I am "That Mom"....
I am truly "That Mom" because of My Mother who taught me everything about being a Mom. I know there is so much more than just the above picture of being a Mom but I never quit so if today was an off day for me then I am okay with that. Having an off day every now and again is okay when every other day I am going at one hundred fifty percent or more.
There has to be a balance somewhere, right?
Though I know that my own Mother is not with me here, I know she is with me in spirit and for that I am truly blessed and grateful.
I Love You, Mom!
"Just because you give birth to a child doesn't make you a mother! Being a mother means taking care of your kids, cuddling, watching them grow, watching them play and argue, being there for the good and the bad, and most importantly showing them your unconditional love every second of EVERYDAY!" - Unknown Author
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