Meltdown Monday

I take this moment as it is quiet right, for how long I do not know, two sleeping, one at school for another forty five minutes and one playing right next to me, well its Monday! What today usually called Man Crush Monday...well I have a new one, Meltdown Monday! So far between a six year old, a two and half year old, a two year old and thirteen month old; meltdowns are going into the fifties. No Exaggerating Here!!! Already a Therapist and a Teacher have been here for a total of five hours but meltdowns keep a coming. As quick as one stops the next one starts or better yet their all having one together. When this seems to happen, I say a Full Moon is coming and usually I am right. I wish I could be inside their little brains, eyes, ears or bodies to think, see, hear or feel what they are experiencing. To somehow take away their "upset". For now, all I can do is comfort, remind to use their smeller, (yes this works, oxygen is great for calming). Believe me, I redirect to the funniest and weirdest things to get them to breathe and for a moment be calm. Bubbles are our best friend at times like these. Sometimes I feel I am blowing bubbles forever but really all I want to do is take way the anger, fear, to figure out the I don't knows, work through the crying, the screaming, figure out what each one wants when they do not speak, really striving for a sliver of a smile, a low giggle but honestly I just want them to feel safe and loved no matter what state they are in.

While our home is in a bit of disarray today, I came across this morning a post....Enough With, "I Don't Want Them Labeled"  http://www.scarymommy.com/dont-want-them-labeled/. I read this article a couple of times and read many of the comments. Honestly, this article hits home. I found myself in this position two years ago, my six year had a label; a diagnosis of Autism but was denied services through our local regional center, then the fight began to find services and what was the right services. Finally after many many hours, dealing with insurance, meetings, more assessments and telephone calls, awesome services were received. In those moments I found myself saying I do not care what diagnosis or what label he was given, he could have ten for that matter, all I know he needs services for his sake and ours. Having a diagnosis was not the end of the world, but living in a world where doctors are quick to prescribed medication and/or diagnosis, I believe fear sets in of the unknown. I had to remember to breathe and take every minute by minute, I was my sons voice and he needed me. Now fast forward two years later, we have three more needing services. Still remembering to breathe and remembering how tough it is as people are quick to label when children or that matter anyone does not fit in their "box" of normal. Really what is normal, is anyone normal? We all have our own quirks and I love every one of my children's, my husbands and mine quirks. Our quirks are what make us who we are, good or bad. 

To All You Parents, whether you have your own biological, guardianship, foster and/or adopted...YOUR AWESOME! There is no greater joy "when we choose to be parents, we accept another human being as part of ourselves, and a large part of our emotional selves will stay with that person as long as we live. From that time on, there will be another person on this earth whose orbit around us will affect us as surely as the moon affects the tides, and affect us in some ways more deeply than anyone else can. Our children are extensions of ourselves". -Fred Rogers GOD BLESS

Until Next Time....Make it A Great Day!

Good Morning

Good Morning and Happy Sunday

from our little part of world to yours

"Not Always Easy Getting Everyone in the Picture...still missing a Few" Love our Babies

Some Unknown Waters

My Blog is Black and Red Licorice for a reason...during the last twenty four hours I have eaten a family size bag of the mixed licorice along with an array of chocolate. This is not abnormal for me as I am a Candy-holic but lately it seems that I am really turning to my vice of "candy" more often. Each week we have teachers and therapist in our home for approximately 30 hours, then we have OT, PT, Speech at the Children's hospital for approximately another 3.5 hours per week (not including drive time) but this past week it was doctor specialist central. Outcome, one of the little's diagnosed with Seizures while another diagnosed with Autism....when does it stop or does it? 

It seems without a diagnosis these days resources are limited in certain areas when resources could be very helpful but Insurances are reluctant to pay. Honestly it does not matter if you have private insurance or state funded insurance. I just keep getting reminded that is our system. Really, not the answer I am looking for. Then to top it off, medications are the next to be quickly handed out. Leading the question what happens when you give your child a psychotropic drug (can be used for all sorts of diagnoses) for many many many years then when they are old enough to decide they do not want to take it, what side effects will come to be? My worse case scenario is...will they become a psychopath? I know this sound a little extreme but medication does alter our body. Every time a commercial is on TV about a prescription drug, have you really listened to all the side effects? Please understand I am not opposed to medication nor am I judging anyone who gives medication, I am just afraid of the unknown. I am in uncharted waters here when it comes to children!

The biggest thing I want and wish for is my children to feel love, be happy, feel content, to smile and laugh and to be as healthy as their mind and body can allow along with all the resources that I can provide if need be. To sum it all up, I once saw a Facebook post "A Worried Mother does better research than the FBI" and as Angela Schwindt quoted "While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about." I wholeheartedly agree with both quotes. You cannot research or advocate enough for your children, you are their voice. I am privilege enough to be our children's mother, everyday I learn something from one of them, if not All of them. With all that happens here on our home-front...I need to keep cherishing the time and the moments, take thousands of pictures, capturing the memories. Laugh and Smile, Be Silly, "Forget yesterday - it has already forgotten you. Don't sweat tomorrow - you haven't even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift - today.” Steve Maraboli - GOD BLESS

Until Next Time...Make it a Great Day!

Wh're Are You?

Another early day here on the home front, waking up at 4:00am to the sound of David's alarm only to remember that I fell asleep only a few hours earlier in the chair with the baby. Not wanting to wake her and hoping for just a little more sleep before the real fun starts (really wishful thinking) but what only to sit there, watch TV and of course the sky is full of grey. Sure as each day happen the 6:00am hour comes quickly and one by one each little starts to wake, I hear them saying Daddy bye-bye, Mommy wh're are you? Mommy wh're are you? Mom, I am hungry? I call out...here bugs, here beautiful, in a minute will go downstairs for breakfast....it is amazing how repetitious they are everyday. Looking first in my bed and so worried that I am not there. Makes my heart melt. They all find me...immediately attacked with cuddles and hugs, just like that their reassured I am here. Priceless! Somehow four children can figure out a way to hang on and wrap themselves around a part of me. Their loving way. Blessed in these priceless moments, not wanting to let go of a finger, a foot or cuddling any of them but I know 9:00am will come quick as the first of four therapists will arrive for the little's. Time to start the day! 

April 21, 2015

April 21, one month that my Mother received her Angel Wings. She has been singing and dancing her heart out. Hard to believe time goes by so fast. I still see her and speak with her every day, though she may not speak back, I believe she finds way to tell me she is still with us. Watching over us, keeping a close watch. Our oldest daughter, Baylie had a butterfly with her on a college tour that stayed with her just last week, when I cook with the sauces she made, I know she is with us and we continue to have her many food finds making our meals all too special. Leading to the end of the day which was our special “talk time” the time I would call and discuss the day, just to laugh or just being able to hear her say all will be okay – “you got this”. I still find myself picking up the phone to call then reminding myself she is not here. I just have to I know I got it covered, with my big crazy family. Yes my big crazy family. I have a lot going on. Being a wife, mother, the many appointments, school, teenagers, taxi service, therapists, in home care, weekly appointments to the Children’s hospital, really you name it, I probably have it….just today I was asked about what I do. I said I would not change it for the world. Having seven awesome children where five are special needs and all five vary in services, in diagnoses and each day is something different. Our life is crazy, roller coaster crazy but truly never a dull moment here. Very thankful for the life we have been blessed with and very thankful to have my supportive husband and family to share it with. Love you All....This one is for you Mom! God Bless

Mothering

Last Sunday Morning, the sun was shining along with a small breeze. Looking out my window taking in the beautiful scenery as I kept thinking about is what it is to be a Mother.

A Mother defined by Yahoo dictionary:

n. noun

1.      A woman who gives birth to a child.

2.      A woman whose egg unites with a sperm, producing an embryo.

3.      A woman who adopts a child.

adj. adjective

1.      Relating to or being a mother.

2.      Characteristic of a mother.

mother love.

3.      Being the source or origin.

the mother church.

v. verb

1.      To give birth to.

mothered three children.

2.      To be the source of; create or produce.

3.      To act as mother to, as in nourishing and protecting.

What is not defined the many aspects of mothering. Times you are the CFO, The Protector, The Taxi or Shuttle Driver, The Peacemaker, The Beauty/Fashion Consultant, The Cook, The Doctor, The Listener, Etc, Etc. How do we do it all, I believe you either have it or you do not; that instinct deep in your stomach when something is not right or that needy feeling? Instincts that never go away. The sure will to do whatever it takes to make sure ALL your children and your household is always moving forward and SAFE!

I know there are times that the decision I have made is not right, YES we ALL make mistakes but learning from then is how we keep going. My heart is heavy as I have been questioning my ability to Mother! Having 7 children, a husband and many many appointments and activities, I hear all the time, HOW DO YOU DO IT? There are days that I look back and say, how I was able to get through all of it, then there are days that I feel are a breeze. Mothering a gift and blessing, whether your children are biological, fostered or adopted, the feeling to care for another and to have the instinct to protect is a feeling beyond belief. To EVERY Mother, GOD BLESS you and all that you do. 2 Kings 4:30 But the child's mother said, "As surely as the LORD lives and as you live, I will not leave you." So he got up and followed her. 

As there is no parent handbook and mistakes are bound to happen, life can be a roller coaster but BELIEVE that everything you do is a blessing and a gift in one form or another. Though at times we may not understand the actions of our teenagers, our child/toddler or why the baby is crying, somehow the answer always comes. Sometimes later than sooner, but it always comes. Pats on the back, a thank you or the brownie button are not always in the cards but knowing that you are doing everything in your power that makes it worth everything. I know as a Mother, I still learn every day and when I stop learning is the day I am not breathing in this world.

Remember to take minute by minute or day to day, breathe, have a date night or girl’s night out, take a bubble bath or just a minute for yourselves...GOD knows we all deserve it. GOD BLESS

Until next time...Make it a Great Day!

Moving Forward - Original Post on November 19, 2014

Rewind, ten years ago, November 19, 2004, at 2:32pm, my journey began. At first I was so angry and said why me? Plus not wanting to deal with the aftermath that my family living was in. Now I looked back and realize that it is process and today I would not have it any other way. Yes, ten seconds can change your life drastically but it is how you conquer what has been given to you is what makes you stronger. After all the times I have said it, relived it with surgeries upon surgeries or just the daily basis of CRPS/RSD; I know this was my corn field to maze through and get out to live, be happy and continue moving forward. Believing GODS plan put me and my family on a path that ten years ago I would have never thought about. His path has humbled me in many ways. Learning each day as a wife, mother, friend and foster parent; I know that GODS plan for myself and my family is more than I could ever have imaged.

Our life experiences somewhat define us, learning that patience is not always easy but can be very rewarding, to really listen is much harder than stated. A home is not the four walls that you live within and there are some battles that are just not worth the effort. Most importantly that my family is BLESSED. I say this with caution as blessings come in many ways. Our adversities we experienced, we made it through together as family; our accomplishments, we celebrated together as a family. A FAMILY!

As you are born into the world, you are born into a family but know that your family may change like a season. Family as defined is a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household. What is family when the children leave the nest and spread their wings? Or family gatherings, holiday or birthdays, what really is a family bond? "You do not choose your family. They are GOD'S gift to you , as you are to them". Desmond Tutu. Interesting enough, both my husband and I come from large families. My husband the eldest having four younger brothers and one sister. Myself, I am the opposite, I am the baby having four older brothers and three older sisters. But where we are today, is an array of family chaos. Remembering odd numbers are not always the best as someone is always left out and then being the baby, the never ending stories of how much the baby did not have to do. With that said, my family is truly my husband, my children and my parents. Interesting enough I do not see my brothers and sisters as we should, a holiday there, a birthday celebration here but really our contact is minimal. Even more so for my husband. Funny even with technology in today's world you would think there would be more contact, social media, texting or email but really not so much.

Cherish who you have in your life, your family and friends. GOD has placed them there for reasons and removed others for different reasons. We are unable to turn back the clock so any decision made will be with you always. You never know what is going to happen tomorrow or for that matter the next minute. Live each day like tomorrow may not come, remember the "I love you's", be positive, keep your faith close, laugh, sing a little, be goofy and always smile. Smiles are contagious, just one smile may turn a bad day into a good day for someone. Life is a gift and time is precious, never take either one for granted. GOD BLESS!

 Until next time......Make it a Great Day!

New Year

Happy New Year and Welcome to 2015!

As I have said over and over time flies very quickly and just when I think things may settle down, the family is riding the spiral roller coaster of life. Myself as a mother is quite interesting with 7 children (young adults, teenagers, big kids and babies) and my wonderful husband who at times I think is our 8th child, I am not sure how I made it through the day let alone the last five minutes. Somehow the day ends with hugs, kisses and I love you's making the day worth everything; Good or Bad!

A friend recently asked how do you do what you do or with that matter with all the kids. First I have to have Faith that there is a reason for everything. I do know that GOD put David and I on this path of loving, gifting, protecting and helping little's who do not always have the best situation. Whether the little's are here for a couple hours, sometimes months or for some forever, knowing that period of time, there is peace and graciousness. I also know that GOD put us on this path to learn more about our own biological children which prior to fostering/adopting our lives were busy but a different kind of busy. Seeing changes and interaction through them all that it does not matter if they came from David and I or by way of Social Services, I cherish that and can only give Thanks that no matter what trials and tribulations started over 10 years ago, that day was the beginning of a new chapter and one chapter that is worth more than anything our family had prior. 

With that said, yes there are days that I pray for strength and guidance more than another day, to get me through all the doctors, therapists, specialists, meals, school, meltdowns, phone calls, reports and the constant driving to this or that. In the thick of it, I am never let down, I can hear My Mother keep saying lift it up to him and he will guide you...GOD! They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Luke 10:27 My Father and Mother are my rock, venting board and saving grace. I pray that someday I will be an amazing Mother like her but until that day, I know I am doing my Best for everyone. I know this when a little laughs, smiles or hugs me so tight or my older ones say I love you Mommy out of the blue or my husband squeezes my hand to say Thank You! 

Time is precious, constantly moving forward. So remember the little things matter as without them the big things do not exist. When the craziness is there remember to smile and laugh as there is always the next five minutes to get through! God Bless.

Until next time....Make it a Great Day!

Beep Beep

Really where does time go....it is hard to believe that in almost 31 days there will be only a half the year left of 2014. As a true optimist seeing the glass half full, I find it interesting driving to the store yesterday where I turned at the light only to see the other drivers stopped, looking down at their phones not paying any attention to the light turning or the other cars surrounding them. Are we in such a hurry with texting, checking the Internet, to notice what we have? What is so important that waiting may not be an option?

Today while waiting at the stop light, my children and I were greeted by the sound of car horns. The two cars behind me both honked because I did not make the right hand turn not because I did not want to but because I could not. Both drivers had no patience to wait for the pedestrian crossing in the cross walk. If either one of the drivers bothered to pay attention to their surroundings maybe they would have thought twice before honking. After I did turn, the driver right behind me tried to pass several times as it appeared we were going to the same place, going around the gas station parking lot, only to be cut off by construction in place, at last we ended up in the McDonald's drive-thru together. Again, his car right behind mine. So in a nice gesture, I purchased his food and asked the McDonald's cashier to please let him know along with the message of “have a nice day." As we drove off watching, the driver got a huge smile on his face saying it all....really take a moment it is okay and yes, his smile made it all worth it. 

Every day we are given a do over from the day before to wake up, smile and make a positive impact in life. A choice to make a difference whether it is small or big, no one knows but the choices are endless on today and right now. Without knowing what tomorrow may bring, we can only imagine or hope that the plan the God has set-forth is working in our favor. Each day I become more humbled as I have always stood my ground on the principal of right and wrong, I have slowly learned over the years it is not always so cut and dry as I would like. Working with the Department of Social Services over the last 5 years, having several gifts (babies) come in and out of our home and our own babies (teenagers) life is a daily blessing along with a work in progress with no parent handbook. Learning by the choices that are made. Good or Bad!

My calling to be a parent, to foster children, to be a sister, to be a friend is to love unconditionally, to advocate when needed, to make choices and to make a difference as the impact will be weighed one way or the other. Helping someone without the expectation to be rewarded is the best gift of all. “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”  Proverbs 11:25 

I am blessed, my family is blessed in more ways than I can imagine. I am so thankful for the life that I live each day. Yes, my life is a roller coaster but it is my roller coaster along with my family. God does have a plan for ALL of us, the path that HE has chosen for you has been set in motion; it is up to you to define it. Life may be a roller coaster ride or it may be quiet ride but do not forget that things can change in a moment’s notice, it does not take much to smile to make someone’s day, read a book with your child, eat dinner at the table as a family. Remember the little things matter as without them the big things do not exist. God Bless.

Until next time....Make it a Great Day!