Recently, sitting in the waiting room of the children's hospital I found myself deep in thought. For starters I was there with just one kiddo where I was lucky enough that between schools and additional support at home, I could have that time to just take a minute or two. However in the time, I find the quietness of my personal space; not my normal thus causing such a feeling of unease. Nonetheless, I do not think it will matter how many times I step foot into the children's hospital, I never have an easy feeling. It is the hospital of which it has become a staple in our lives.
That day, I sat there staring out the huge glass windows just looking at the coming and goings. Daily life of others. This particular day, I have a family sitting to my right as they are waiting for their child. We kindly exchange a hello as we all smile at one other giving off a sense of calm. I do not know how to explain that feeling maybe it is because I frequent the children's hospital enough. You tend to start to notice other parents, children and just the things around you but the calm sense you tend to feel it at times. If you are lucky. Though by the looks of their belongings they are not here just for a procedure but I could be wrong. Just never know what people tend to pack for anything, right? Then to my left I have a mother and a friend who have been pretty loud in their conversations. Deep in their conversation, no exchanges made but pretty much everyone can here why they are here and everything else they are speaking of. Let me just say I could be sitting twenty-five feet away and still hear them speak perfectly. Maybe privacy and what you speak amongst yourselves does not matter but what made my ears really perk was I heard the mother say to her friend, "why I do have this life when none of my friends do but don't get me wrong I love (xxxx) more than anything but why?"
What did I hear? At first I thought did I hear that right? Yes, I most certainly did as when the response of the friend came out loud and clear, it solidified that I truly did. It is not place to give the specifics of her child as I could provide more based on observations and overheard conversations being in the waiting room that day of the children's hospital, but it is not that. Who I am I? I am just another Mom, A Parent, A Caregiver who too has a child in need of services from a doctor, a specialist, a nurse or a medical personnel but I that Mom, Parent, Caregiver heard that statement which hit me not in a good way. That statement, I was somewhat dumbfounded. I have too have asked myself that same question. It was many years ago when my own life changed. I asked pretty much that same statement or a variation of it everyday for almost three years. Then one day I had the most humbling moment by my own child. A moment when it seem like I was hit by a ton of bricks. I stopped in the moment and figured out the life that I had been given was exactly what it was supposed to be. However, the path that I had been walking, I was the one making it a rough climb and not a peaceful walk. From that point on, my life, my husband and our family lives all began to change.
Just as the parent with a child in need, God truly does not gives us more than we can handle. It may not be easy but I do believe a lot has to do how you believe, how you think of yourself and what support system you truly have within. Dealing with special needs or a disability is no walk in the park and at times it feels like it is a no win situation but there are times the most minor things seems like the biggest accomplishments. For that instance is what makes everything worth it.
So when I hear the statement made in the back of my mind or re-read from this post, I can think two ways, maybe three. One, she is the most selfish parent and only hope for the best care for her child along with peace for herself. Two, that she was given her life that God entrusted her with and her child as he knew best that she would love, keep safe and care for her child as he and she knows best. Three, I do not even want to comment. I do hope that two is the option as I believe and maybe just as I was humbled many years ago that as you are blessed in your life with children by way of homegrown, guardianship, foster or adoption their timing into your life is their timing not yours.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope - Jeremiah 29:11
Until Next Time...Make It A Great Day!
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